erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
