i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
