You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
