If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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