I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
