he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
