I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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