You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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