When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
