I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
