You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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