Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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