my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
