i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
