the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
