im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
