I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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