just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
