Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
