He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
