ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
home. puking in laundry basket.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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