This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
