It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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