It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
