Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
