So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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