tell your sister to shave her snatch
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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