That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
