i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
