can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
