I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
