see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
