soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
