I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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