his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
