I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
