At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
