I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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