I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
