somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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