my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
