So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
