i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
