i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
