a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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