There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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