we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
