I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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