hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
