moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
