dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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