Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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