Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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