can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
