I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
