The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
