Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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