She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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