You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
