He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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